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The Need to Create

I don’t understand my need to create. It is persistent and frustrating. Or perhaps I have a compulsion to distract myself. I cannot tell the difference, to be honest. The one thing I do know is that I am most frustrated by doing nothing.

Don’t get me wrong. I understand that I am likely experiencing ADHD or something of that ilk.

Regardless, I continue this viscious circle I find myself in right now. It starts with me getting the whim to began vlogging/blogging again. I start the process and begin to receive just enough dopamine to enjoy it. After a couple of weeks and seeing dimishing results, I get bored of it. Once I begin slacking with content creation, I get further derailed by a loss of creativity.

I also run into an issue of time as a commodity. I do not have enough. In order to properly create regular content, something else I enjoy needs to fall off. I am quite aware that I have put too much in my life, but that reality doesn’t make it feel any better. There are very few tasks in my daily life that I don’t enjoy, otherwise they would be expelled.

Perhaps I just need this space to vent to the world how hard it is to be an overachiever.

I do realize that my need to create is not a necessity to those around me. I do not elicit more love or admiration from my friends and family, nor do I need the acceptance of strangers who come across my videos or posts. As a matter of fact, no one has ever asked me why I haven’t posted content if I miss a day or even a week.

So why do I stress about it. Who knows?

Well, I am sure there is a psychologist or psychiatrist who knows, but they can piss off.

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Best Resorts for runDisney Races

On one of my recent TikTok videos, I was asked a question by Wherever the road leaves…”Do you have a hotel you would recommend staying at for the races?”

The answer is YES, I certainly do. But it is a complicated answer because there are several factors to take into account.

First, for those people who may be unfamiliar with what I am talking about, The Walt Disney company has a division that organizes run race events, coincidentally called runDisney. These run races take place throughout the year at Walt Disney World in Florida and Disneyland in Califoria. As a matter of fact, the races are making their return to Disneyland in 2023 after a hiatus of several years. Long story, but Disney was in a pissing match with Orange County and the city of Anaheim. That seems to have been resolved.

For now, lets focus on runDisney at Walt Disney World. There are four race weekends. The Marathon Weekend in January. The Princess Races in February, The Springtime Surprise in April, and Wine & Dine in November. All the weekends consist of a 5k, 10k, and Half Marathon, but the Marathon Weekend in January adds a full Marathon (full is a misnomer, since a marathon IS a marathon).

The question at hand is where to stay. Lets address a couple of variables:

Is Budget a Concern?

If the cost of the hotel is a huge factor for you, espcially considering the astronomical cost of the races, then you should absolutely go with a Disney value resort. These are the All-Star resorts. There are three of them, and they are themed to Sports, Music, and Movies. They are priced very reasonably, but they also book up so if you are planning on any races this year, you should already be booked. Or do it NOW!

I have stayed at the All-Star resorts a couple of times, and while they are certainly nothing special, they are not without their charm. The main benefit is cost, but there is the added benefit of buses for the Disney races. While all resorts get bus service for all runDisney events, the All-Star resorts are in very close proximity to the ESPN campus, where the Race Expos are held. The resort is also fairly close to EPCOT, where the races all begin, so the rides are quick.

The other option that budget conscience people have is staying off property for the races. You certianly can do that, but you would have to have a car. Parking at EPCOT is free for the races. So if you would prefer a cheap hotel or an AirBNB for the races over the fun of Disney, that is one way you can go.

Is Convenience Your Priority?

What about convenience? This is certainly subjective. If you want the simplest experience to get to and return from the races, I would recommend staying at a monorail resort or a resort in the Crescent Lake area. These offer you options for returning to your resort.

The monorail resorts are The Polynesian, The Grand Floridian, The Contemporary & Bay Lake Tower.

The Crescent Lake resorts are The Boardwalk, The Beach & Yacht Club, and The Swan & Dolphin resorts.

With each of these options, you can linger at EPCOT after the races and they return to your resorts by either taking the monorail to the Ticket & Transportation Center, or TTC, or you can go through EPCOT IF you have a ticket and reservation for EPCOT to return to your resort. That last part is crucial. I often go to EPCOT as my park of choice after the Marathon. I will discuss why another time.

Spectators

The other huge benefit to the resorts I just listed is their proximity to the race courses. On Marathon Weekend, the Half and Full both run right in front of The Contemporary & Bay Lake Tower and The Grand Floridian. They sort of go by The Polynesian, but regardless, it is a short walk to The Grand from there. Addtionally, if you are staying at the Monorail loop resorts, your family and friends have the opportunity to cheer you on at The TTC and on Main Street USA in The Magic Kingdom. During the races, before the park opens, spectators can enter Main Street for free to watch the race. The area is cordoned off for safety and it offers a fantastic environment for runners and spectattors alike.

The Crescent Lake resorts are also on the course for the Marathon, but not the Half (keep in mind that the courses do change occasionally). They are, however, on the course for the 10k. So depending on which race or races you are doing, this may make a difference for you. Again, if your family and friends are staying at one of the Crescent Lake resorts, they can cheer you on from in front of the resort during the 10k and Full, or they can go into EPCOT during the full if they have a ticket and park reservation.

One additional resort that stands alone is Coronado Springs. I stayed there for the first time for the 2023 Marathon Weekend and I loved it. It also offers the opportunity to spectate from two places on the resort property. It is also very close to EPCOT and Hollywood Studios, with several restaurants on the grounds.

What About the Other Resorts?

While the resorts I have talked about so far are, IN MY OPINION, the best to stay at, there are so many great Disney resorts. I have stayed all over and I have my favorites that have nothing to do with runDisney race weekends. I love the Wilderness Lodge, Animal Kingdom Lodge, and Saratoga Springs. The Caribbean Beach resort and Pop Century / Art of Animation are also great because of their access to the Skyliner, which is Disney’s aerial transportation between some resorts and Hollywood Studios and EPCOT.

At the end of the day, you can never go wrong with a Disney resort. I choose to rent a car every time I go to the races. I find the busing for the races to be problematic for me. I am not very social at 3 to 4 am…but maybe you love chatting it up with your neighbor before dawn. If so, more power to you!

I hope this answered your questions about resort stays for runDisney events.

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Trying Again

So I feel it is time to return to journaling. Well, lets be honest…I never really got going with journaling in the first place.

Where to begin? I suppose I should find a method of journaling first. I like this app. It serves my needs, so far as I can tell. I just need to stick with it. That is where I always fail.

I have begun creating online content again. I have always tried to force my narrative in the past, which generally led to me bitching about politics. Surpirsingly, with TikTok, the content seems to be finding me. People actually comment on there and so far, that has offered me a nice space to cultivate new ideas for videos.

Yesterday, somebody commented and asked for hotel recommendations…so that is what today’s video will be. I will shoot a talking head and then add some images and video that I have from the resorts.

That will be my project as soon as I am done with this journal entry.

Checkup on life for future readings:

I just returned home earlier this week from my FIFTH Dopey Challenge at Walt Disney World. I feel surprisingly good now compared to how I felt during the runs. My miniscus tear was pretty brutal during the runs, specifically the half and full marathons. It was really bad for a couple of days after the runs. On Thursday, I noticed the pain had significantly subsided. I did a workout on Saturday that tested my knee a little and it wasn’t too bad.

Christopher is visiting this weekend. I forced him to move out a few months ago after he was arrested for a DWI. He lives with my ex-wife now, but I am pleasantly surprised that we have maintained a positive relationship.

Work is going well. I am very happy with my career and the business is thriving, although I could certainly use some more therapists. As a matter of fact, i have to fire one tonight. He just isn’t cutting it. This past year, I began working with Syracuse University Football, and that is going well. I am supposed to start back up with them in February, but I am quickly learning that their schedules are kind of loose. That doesn’t serve me well, but I will try to manage.

Jessica and I are doing well. We have our ups and downs, as any couple does, but our relationship is clearly built on a solid foundation. She has been exploring the reality that she is likely autistic, and that has profound effects on our marriage. That is a topic for another time.

Michael is doing very well, so far as I can tell. He does not communicate like Christopher does, so I am often left to gleen an understanding of his mental state from a small sample set. But he seems happy enough. He is living with me full time now.

That is good for now. Establishing a habit is the first step. I will expand on that later.

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I Miss the Warmth

I miss the warmth. I miss the camping too, but at least I got a taste of warmth earlier this month in Florida. As I am aging, these winters get increasingly hard for me to endure. I am astonished by these people that enjoy outdoor activities in the frigid months of the year. In recent days, I have seen my Florida friends post memes about the cold snap they are experiencing and I feel no sympathy. I would love to have the problem of enduring fifty degrees as “cold.”

The product of all this frustration with the weather is that I find myself focusing on the thought of being outdoors more and more. So much so that I have started booking my camping trips for the summer. A couple of stays in New York State Parks, a couple of private campgrounds, and last night I signed up for Harvest Hosts.

Harvest Hosts is a middle man for RV stops at farms, wineries, and breweries across the country

Harvest Hosts popped up on my radar last year shortly after I bought my travel trailer. They are a middle man to farms, historic sites, breweries,  and wineries around the country that will host you for an evening with your RV free of charge with the expressed understanding that you will spend money on their offerings and behave. The idea is great if you are a brewery and winery or farm to table kind of person.  You can do a lengthy tasting and stumble to your camper and sleep it off.

I cannot comment of the quality of the stays because I have not experienced it yet, but I am hopeful it is going to be great.

The grand conflict in my life right now is when and how I escape the cold for good. I do not plan on ever moving away outright, but rather to be one of the millions of people that snow bird every year. The main decision that needs to be made is WHERE I am going to live. If you had asked me that question a few years ago, the immediate response would have been Orlando. As much time as I spend there, it seemed an easy decision. I have since learned that is not a great idea. Walt Disney World and the greater Orlando area are my happy place where I go to escape. If I lived there, the daily issues that life always presents would mix with my escapism. That is no good.

Moving to Orlando could ruin the Disney Magic for me

The next option, which is a rather new one, is Hilton Head Island. We travelled there back in December and I loved it. Its not necessarily as warm as I would like, but it certainly isn’t cold. They have a Disney Vacation Club resort there, which is the reason we visited. It is less commercialized than some resort areas, but it is also quite expensive with an elitist and uninviting vibe at times. 

Another option is something foreign. Jessica and I have discussed Costa Rica. Neither of us have visited there, but we plan to in the coming years. I long for the ocean and she longs for the mountains. Costa Rica has both, along with plenty of jungle. The cost of living is low, so our incomes and retirement could offer a comfortable life style. Also, as a massage therapist and soon to be yoga teacher, I could easily find part time work there or lead retreats.

Costa Rica offers oceans and mountians

The last current option, which ties to the beginning of this blog post, is to upgrade our camper to a motor coach size RV and travel during the winter. This allows for us to be somewhere different all the time. We can visit National Parks or beach communities. We could travel into Mexico or Canada. We could flat tow my jeep or an EV and have access to cities. We could settle in one place for a while or be constantly on the move. There are so many options it could make your head spin.

For now, all of this is just a dream. I am nowhere near making that decision. It is likely seven years away. But it doesn’t hurt to think.

 

Chris

 

 

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The Wood Brothers

It is really quite incredible how terrible I am at keeping up with this website and journaling in general. But in this and in life, all I can do is forgive myself and try to do better. I have a several things I want to catch up on, so I will prewrite a couple of days worth of content and then time out the posts. Today’s topic is The Wood Brothers. More specifically, it is my review of their Rochester show this past week.

Let me start by giving a little bit of history of my time being a fan of the band. For me, they first appeared on my radar in 2015 when they played a show in Syracuse, NY at the Westcott Theater. The only reason I was even aware of the gig is because syracuse.com published a story about the band. This was shortly after the release of The Muse album and they were spotlighting the song “Sing About It.” As I watched the video, I was floored. I had to see this band. I quickly booked tickets and started devouring their music and learning more.

Sing About It

As it turned out, I was aware of them longer than I had suspected. They released an album in 2005 titled Ways Not To Lose with the single, Luckiest Man. That song was everywhere that year, but the name of the band never really registered with me. They were one hit wonders of the early 2000s as far as I knew.

Circling back to 2015, it would be hard to exaggerate how much I enjoyed my first live Wood Brothers show. While only a three piece band with Oliver Wood on lead vocals and guitar, his brother Chris on bass (upright and otherwise), and Jano Rix on percussion, they commanded attention the entire show. They are a little bit blues, a little bit jazz, a little bit bluegrass, and whole lotta soul.

I saw a plethora of great live acts of the same ilk that year including, but not limited to, Ray LaMontagne, Gregory Alan Isakov, and The Avett Brothers. They are all amazing, but there was something very unique about The Wood Brothers. They didn’t live in a specific genre. They came to the table with individual professional backgrounds in completely different segments of music. The product of that union was sublime.

The rest of that year, they popped up on several YouTube videos from different music commentators. They were staples on the festival scene. Their star was rising, but they continued to exist in a niche market.

I saw them the next year in Ithaca at The State Theater in what is perhaps my least favorite concert experience of all time. The band was amazing. They were crisp and energetic and worked the crowd into a hyper state of joy from the first note. The problem for me is that I paid decent money for pretty good seats and the security at the show allowed the orchestra section to become a free for all. I never mind standing at a show, but this was insane. The aisles and pit were both chock full of gyrating ex hippies and hipsters grooving away to the tunes. It didn’t help that my wife at the time was not a fan of the band and was miserable. I was annoyed and left early.

My next three times seeing the band were all at the same venue: Beak & Skiff Apple Orchard in LaFayette, NY. The music scene at Beak & Skiff warrants a story of its own and perhaps I will write that at some point. I saw them first as headliners, with The Blind Owl Band opening up for them. I brought my wife at the time again, along with both my children and met some friends. It was a great show. The Wood Brothers seemingly enjoyed it immensely too. They made several comments on stage about the beauty of the venue and the amazing hospitality of their hosts. The next day they played a show at Central Park in New York City and Chris Wood was sporting a Beak & Skiff T-shirt on stage. It was no surprise they came back.

The next time they played there was with another favorite of mine: Lake Street Dive. It was billed as a co-headlining show, but it didn’t feel that way. The Wood Brothers played a reduced set and the vast majority of the audience was clearly there for Lake Street Dive. I enjoyed the show all the same. This time I was there with several friends and the woman that would eventually become my current wife. It was her first experience with the band and to be honest, she was not impressed. She said they seemed a little flat and out of place. She said she couldn’t hear them well and that the crowd was not into it and she found that distracting. In hindsight, I had to agree.

This was all pre-Covid. I didn’t see them again until this year. They played another headlining show at Beak & Skiff with Valerie June opening for them. Since Jessica, now my wife, didn’t like them the first time, she wasn’t compelled to go. I brought my friend Joe instead and had a hell of a time. We tailgated with beer and THC, enduring a lengthy storm delay of more than an hour before we could entire the venue. When we found out seats to begin the show, it was already nearing dark. Valerie June was hauntingly good and set the stage for an incredible evening of The Wood Brothers’ music.

The Wood Brothers

Shortly after that amazing summer show, they announced their fall and winter dates. They were coming to The Kodak Theater in Rochester, which is a gorgeous venue that I adore. I had a presale code and bought tickets the minute they went online. I scored two front row tickets. Leading up to the show, I didn’t know who I was going to go with. My wife still wasn’t interested. Joe didn’t want to spend the money. A couple of other friends weren’t available. The I had a Covid exposure and worried I wouldn’t be able to go at all. Luckily, I was negative and I pleaded with my wife to go. She begrudgingly acquiesced. As it turns out, she was very glad she did.

Their opener got sick, so a local duo, Aaron Lipp & Richie Stearns stepped in. As they took the stage, it was clear that were not accustomed to playing a house this big or an audience this full. After a nervous and awkward start, they absolutely killed it. Both men had wonderful harmony and played off each other beautifully with a mix of original music and eclectic covers. In all my years of concerts, I cannot remember a crowd so pumped for an opening act.

After a short break, Oliver, Chris, and Jano took the stage. From the first note, they owned it. They entertained us thoroughly for two hours, with a perfect mix of jam-band like journeys and informative narratives. Chris also led a couple of songs I wasn’t completely familiar with. His vocals are a stark departure from Oliver’s voice. While this is in no way a detriment, it feels like a wholly different band with him fronting the songs. They set up an omni mic to play a few acoustic songs with ethereal harmonies. Before they began, Oliver remarked that it was time to play in the key of Be Quiet. The crowd laughed, but he quickly followed up with a comment about what a well behaved audience it was. It was a Tuesday night, after all.

Sing About It, live at The Kodak

One thing I was not aware of until about halfway through the performance was that this was their FIRST show of this tour. I was shocked. They were not rusty or tired. Their timing was perfect and their voices were exact.

After the set ended, while waiting for the encore, I looked over to my wife. She was thrilled. As she stated on the drive home, they seemed like a totally different band than the first time she had seen them. Playing a theater show where the sound and audience can be more controlled suited them. She was won over completely and my love for the band was galvanized.

I cannot wait to see them again!

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Changing My Digital Life

I am going to take minute today to reset my “digital” life a bit. This is something I have been meaning to do for quite some time now. My plan is not to eliminate social media or delete my online presence or anything, but rather to set a demarcation from my establish past to a new and unknown future.

If you know me, you know that the last couple of years of my life have been hectic. The emergence of Covid-19 created a sense of dread and psychological conflict that spilled out into my relationships with clients, friends and family. I became hyper political amid the pandemic and the Black Lives Matter movement. The previous administration was a constant source of strife for me as well. So as I became aware of people that supported Trump, I sought conflict with those individuals or expelled them from my life altogether.

Last year I ran for local office, which I barely lost. I expanded my business during Covid, opening a second full location. I got married (for a third time). And during this past year, I returned to travelling, which is something the previous year was fairly devoid of.

The result of all this chaos in my life was a sense of a loss of control and understading of my place in the world. I lost my motivation to be the person I have been working toward being for years. I was trying to shove a square peg into a round hole, and no matter how hard I pushed it wasn’t working.

I will not spend time rehashing my background, I have done that in previous blog posts. I just want to note a few things before continuing:

  • I am prior military, having served four years of active duty in the United States Marine Corps.
  • I have struggled with my weight. I was overweight when I entered military service and my weight has ballooned several times in my adult life.
  • I found an endurance fitness lifestyle in 2010 and it has been an integral part of my life ever since.
  • I began studying Buddhism around the same time I went to Massage School. While I have never considered myself a Buddhist, its teachings have become a part of my daily life.
  • I recently began a Yoga journey. Instead of attending regular classes, I have chosen to dive right into a two hundred hour Yoga Teacher Training.

I bring up these things because they are all vital components of my motivation to chart a new path going forward. I am happier when I am at peace. People around me are happier when I am at peace. I am more successful at most things when I am at peace. So peace is my mission now.

When that means for resetting my “digital” life is that I am going to focus on those things that make me happy in life and share those things with the world (understandably my small corner of it). I will make every effort to avoid being negative or judgemental. I will seek opportunities to be kind and supportive and to foster postive relationships with people that can reciprocate my energy.

Our minds and our bodies exist in a symbiotic relationship. We need a healthy body to protect a healthy mind, but we also must cultivate a positive mindset to produce a fit and able body. I do not believe it to be coincidence that, during the last several years of political and pandemic strife, I have gained so much weight. I am hopeful that focusing on the positive in life and disregarding the negative can assist me in finding a wonderful mindbody state that will improve life for myself and those around me.

Follow my journey here at The Daily Octane.

Quick note on how and why I am doing this: 

I am now using a journaling app to write a daily journal. SOME of these I will publish directly to www.thedailyoctane.com, but not all. If even one person finds motivation from my blog, it will be worth the effort. My goal is to share my experiences in life and the insight I have gained from a more positive path.

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Just Some Thoughts

I woke up with a little bit if a hangover from last night. I emphasize a little bit…

I went with Joe to dinner at Dasher’s in Homer before seeing Citizen Cope at The Homer Center for the Arts.

First of all, the food at Dashers was great. The atmosphere does not match the quality of the service or the food. It is a real gem of a restaurant. Bill Burdick has been telling me to go for years. I am happy to have finally made it there.

Then we went to the show. I have seen Citizen Cope before at this same venue but this was a different experience. I was quite irritated by the crowd. It seemed as if a bunch of locals decided to go who perhaps did not even know who Citizen Cope was OR they just knew one of his newer upbeat songs or the Santana version of Sideways. Regardless, there were some terrible people in the crowd. They heckled him, talked incessantly during the music, and laughed openly at some parts of the performance.

I will admit that I was a little tipsy and a little high, so I could have been over analyzing the crowd, but it was an annoyance either way. It did not ruin the experience, though. He is a fun performer who knows exactly who he is.

Courtney Chase was also at the performance. In fact, she bought the tickets. I got the chance to explain to her how different massage felt the last few days. It’s as if my short time with yoga has altered my awareness of the body in a functionally positive way. I will try to explain this more later.

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Should Adults Go Disney On Ice Without Kids?

Anyone who knows anything about me knows Disney is my singular obsession. I watch the movies, listen to the soundtracks, collect memorabilia, and I visit the parks. I travel to Walt Disney World about four times a year, on average, when a global pandemic is not disrupting our lives. Every once in a while, when the fancy takes me, I attend a performance of Disney On Ice. Such was the case this past weekend.

For this visit, I did something I have never done before. I bought the absolute best tickets in the house. I sat in the very center of the very front row of the section they affectionatly call Main Street. As I assumed they would be, the seats were amazing. The cast members were mere feet away from us so often it made your head spin. Many an enthusiastic performance piece ended with the skaters posing for their applause right in front of me.

eThis is the view from our seats for Disney On Ice

Jessica, my wife, begrudgingly came along. She lamented on several occassions prior to going that she was dreading it. On the morning of the performance, she complained to her mother that she didn’t want to go. This was followed by her mother sharing stories of her taking Jessa (that is what my mother-in-law calls my wife when she thinks she is being ridiculous. She thinks she is being ridiculous a lot) to see Disney on Ice as a kid and that she loved it.

I had not been to Disney On Ice for about five years, if memory serves, and I had never gone without kids. I took my children several times when they were young, and then when they were too old to think it cool, I took nieces and nephews. This was my first time going without any children at all.

Often times, when I tell people I am heading to Disney World, I get one of three questions. People that know me a little will ask if I am going for races. People that know me really well generally just ask, “AGAIN?” And people that barely know me at all will ask if my kids are going with me. This last question is promptly answered with an emphatic, “NO!” most of the time. With alarming consistency, people retort back, “really?”

On many a Disney Fan Page the question gets asked time and time again: Should adults be going to Disney World without kids? This is a question asked for a myriad of reasons, but I think I can boil it down to a cultural fixation with “growing up.”

There is a fascinating dichotomy with Disney. One one hand, it exists as a family friendly company whose purpose is to entertain children. On the other hand, it is exorbitantly expensive to travel to the parks and make the most of your time. A five day trip to Disney World for a family of four on a tight budget is going to run at least three thousand dollars. To actually add the perks to make it memorable, you are now creeping into the six to seven thousand dollar range. Does that sound cost effective? No…the answer is no.

This is my tire cover on my Jeep Wrangler.

My wife and I know what we are doing. We know how to make the most of Disney without consistently breaking the bank. It requires a significant initial investment, but over time it completely pays for itself. To make it affordable over the long run, we are Disney Vacation Club Members, Annual Passholders, and through credit card use we rack up a ton of points with Disney and the airlines that we use.

For example, we are leaving for Walt Disney World tomorrow so I can run The Dopey Challenge (more on that in the coming days). We are flying Delta airlines to Orlando from Syracuse, renting a car for 7 days, staying at the Grand Floridian, entering parks 6 days, and all of that cost me a total of ZERO dollars. I had to pay my registration for the races and we have yet to pay for food and merch, but all in all, the food and liquor will be less than $500. We could not do that if we were bringing kids.

That brings me back to Disney On Ice. While there were a lot of children there I was pleasantly surprised to see the couple sitting right next to us, in arguably the second best seats, were also there without children. While I could sense the glares from parents all around us as they wondered why childless adults were in the front row, I did not give a care in the world to their plights or whether their little snot whine machine could see around my giant head. I was in my glory.

Showing Peter Pan my Peter Pan tattoo

Peter Pan is affectionately known as the the boy who never grew up. He is tattooed on my right forearm and his spirit is engraved on my soul. I will never grow up…never.

Chris

Weight: 219 lbs…I did it. I got myself below 220.
No exercise yesterday. cardio while fasting can be very difficult.

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Stuck On The Hamster Wheel

Do you ever feel like you are not who you are supposed to be? Happens to me all the time.

I am not talking about vocation or name or even sex, necessarily. I am referring to a more existential sense of misalignment. There are moments, increasingly often as I once again battle my weight, that I feel like there is a completely different version of me stuck inside this meat and bone bag fighting to get out.

In my soul I am different than myself. I am a fit, charismatic, kind, and motivated individual with an inescapable need to help people and the world. I get glimpses of this version of myself regularly enough to know that person is real, tucked away deep inside of me.

So why can I not be this version of myself?

I think the answer to this question is very complicated. If I had to dumb it down and choose a singular culprit, I would say it is compulsive habits. There is no doubt many others share this same issue. I live my life in many ways on a proverbial hamster wheel. These habitual actions lead me astray sometimes. My eating schedule, sleep schedule, interactions with my wife, and work all play a part in forming this structure of life I cannot escape.

Normally, structure is a good thing. It provides a grounded sense of familiarity and safety in an otherwise unruly world. But when you are trying to make fundamental change to the way you live your life, this rigid way of living makes new habits extraordinarily difficult. This is the crux of my problem.

If you read yesterday’s post, you will know that I wanted to attempt a 30 hour fast followed by a 36 hour fast. This is incredibly difficult for me because my hamster wheel has been spinning for many years. The day started fine. I woke up, wrote yesterday’s post, did a workout, visited with my mother-in-law before she travelled home, went to Disney On Ice, came home and napped. All went well until I woke up from a 2 hour nap and those urges to eat kicked in. I struggled for hours with the jitters and that dreaded sense of emptiness in my belly.

I am very proud to say that with the help of my wife I was able to endure and finally fell back to sleep around 1am. I woke this morning to coffee, a bagel with cream cheese, and a pile of scrambled eggs. Next meal is dinner Tuesday. Oh, and seven pounds came off on the scale! Fasting is nuts

I am going to use this annual calendar transition as an opportunity to step off the hamster wheel for as long as possible. Wish me luck.

Chris

Weight: 221.8 lbs
Workouts: one hour of walking on the treadmill and I moved my whole gym around.

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Latest Weight Issues

I am one of those people whose weight fluctuated dramatically over the years. I have documented most of this in previous posts, but I will provide the short version here. I first gained substantial weight while my ex-wife was pregnant with our first son. Our second son a few years later pushed my weight up and my belly out.

Click here to learn more about my fitness journey

Shortly after he was born, I lost a chunk of weight but was still heavier than I would have liked. In 2009, I quit smoking and my weight shot up dramatically. I reached the heaviest of my life that winter, tipping the scales at nearly 280 pounds. Then the first overall lifestyle change ocurred. I found cycling and running and healthy eating and dropped over 100 pounds, leveling off at 168. I didn’t stay there long. A slow march over the next few years got me back up to 220.

In early 2015, my ex-wife and I (still married at the time) exerienced an extended split. During that period, I found Intermintent Fasting, or IF. I also set a goal of running a marathon, which I completed in January of 2016 at Walt Disney World. Between IF and the constant running, I got myself back down to 190 lbs.

This is me right after completing my first marathon

Shortly before the marathon, I reconciled with my ex and returned to much of my former lifestyle. Again, the weight began to creep up. In 2018, the same person who turned me on to IF introduced me to the Ketogenic diet. I was aware of Keto prior and I even knew a couple of people who made it their primary lifestyl choice, but I didn’t really understand it. But it worked. I started 2018 married and 225. By fall of that year, I was 174 and divorcing (it would stick this time).

Over the last few years I have wandered in and out of Keto, Vegan, Vegetarian, Pescaterian, IF, and “eat whatever the hell I want.” I go on benders with candy and bread and wine and beer. The latter two are, what I believe, the primary culprit of why I have gained so much weight back. I also believe, as there are more and more studies to show this, that being keto for so long messed up my metaboilism. I will not get into the science of it here, but essentially your body forgots how to properly process sugars, akin to diabetes.

So between the wine and beer and bread and candy, I am once again creeping on 230 pounds. It is a new year. It is time for change. New Year’s Resolutions are a joke and we all fall into the trap because they are so often impossible to maintain. Yet here I am, about to attempt one.

In three days, I leave for Florida to compete in The Dopey Challenge. I going to run 48.6 miles over four days way too heavy. I have no idea what is going to happen, but I do nto want to do it at 228 pounds like I am this morning.

I am going to begin by fasting. I normally follow The Warrior Diet, which is a twenty hour fast with a four hour eat window. That is not going to cut it this week. I going to attempt a 30 hour (at the time of writing this, I am already 11 hours in) fast followed by a 36 hour fast. This should knock several pounds off. When you are running that much, a few pounds can make a huge difference.

I will keep you up date on the progess as the week develops. Wish me luck.

Chris