I don’t understand my need to create. It is persistent and frustrating. Or perhaps I have a compulsion to distract myself. I cannot tell the difference, to be honest. The one thing I do know is that I am most frustrated by doing nothing.
Don’t get me wrong. I understand that I am likely experiencing ADHD or something of that ilk.
Regardless, I continue this viscious circle I find myself in right now. It starts with me getting the whim to began vlogging/blogging again. I start the process and begin to receive just enough dopamine to enjoy it. After a couple of weeks and seeing dimishing results, I get bored of it. Once I begin slacking with content creation, I get further derailed by a loss of creativity.
I also run into an issue of time as a commodity. I do not have enough. In order to properly create regular content, something else I enjoy needs to fall off. I am quite aware that I have put too much in my life, but that reality doesn’t make it feel any better. There are very few tasks in my daily life that I don’t enjoy, otherwise they would be expelled.
Perhaps I just need this space to vent to the world how hard it is to be an overachiever.
I do realize that my need to create is not a necessity to those around me. I do not elicit more love or admiration from my friends and family, nor do I need the acceptance of strangers who come across my videos or posts. As a matter of fact, no one has ever asked me why I haven’t posted content if I miss a day or even a week.
So why do I stress about it. Who knows?
Well, I am sure there is a psychologist or psychiatrist who knows, but they can piss off.
