Category: Covid-19

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Changing My Digital Life

I am going to take minute today to reset my “digital” life a bit. This is something I have been meaning to do for quite some time now. My plan is not to eliminate social media or delete my online presence or anything, but rather to set a demarcation from my establish past to a new and unknown future.

If you know me, you know that the last couple of years of my life have been hectic. The emergence of Covid-19 created a sense of dread and psychological conflict that spilled out into my relationships with clients, friends and family. I became hyper political amid the pandemic and the Black Lives Matter movement. The previous administration was a constant source of strife for me as well. So as I became aware of people that supported Trump, I sought conflict with those individuals or expelled them from my life altogether.

Last year I ran for local office, which I barely lost. I expanded my business during Covid, opening a second full location. I got married (for a third time). And during this past year, I returned to travelling, which is something the previous year was fairly devoid of.

The result of all this chaos in my life was a sense of a loss of control and understading of my place in the world. I lost my motivation to be the person I have been working toward being for years. I was trying to shove a square peg into a round hole, and no matter how hard I pushed it wasn’t working.

I will not spend time rehashing my background, I have done that in previous blog posts. I just want to note a few things before continuing:

  • I am prior military, having served four years of active duty in the United States Marine Corps.
  • I have struggled with my weight. I was overweight when I entered military service and my weight has ballooned several times in my adult life.
  • I found an endurance fitness lifestyle in 2010 and it has been an integral part of my life ever since.
  • I began studying Buddhism around the same time I went to Massage School. While I have never considered myself a Buddhist, its teachings have become a part of my daily life.
  • I recently began a Yoga journey. Instead of attending regular classes, I have chosen to dive right into a two hundred hour Yoga Teacher Training.

I bring up these things because they are all vital components of my motivation to chart a new path going forward. I am happier when I am at peace. People around me are happier when I am at peace. I am more successful at most things when I am at peace. So peace is my mission now.

When that means for resetting my “digital” life is that I am going to focus on those things that make me happy in life and share those things with the world (understandably my small corner of it). I will make every effort to avoid being negative or judgemental. I will seek opportunities to be kind and supportive and to foster postive relationships with people that can reciprocate my energy.

Our minds and our bodies exist in a symbiotic relationship. We need a healthy body to protect a healthy mind, but we also must cultivate a positive mindset to produce a fit and able body. I do not believe it to be coincidence that, during the last several years of political and pandemic strife, I have gained so much weight. I am hopeful that focusing on the positive in life and disregarding the negative can assist me in finding a wonderful mindbody state that will improve life for myself and those around me.

Follow my journey here at The Daily Octane.

Quick note on how and why I am doing this: 

I am now using a journaling app to write a daily journal. SOME of these I will publish directly to www.thedailyoctane.com, but not all. If even one person finds motivation from my blog, it will be worth the effort. My goal is to share my experiences in life and the insight I have gained from a more positive path.

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Year’s End

As I sit in my kitchen drinking my morning coffee, it is easy to forget that today is New Year’s Eve. 2021 has been a hell of a year, both in great and terrible ways. One could even say the 20s have been the most demanding and rewarding years of our lives.

I have learned a lot this year. I have experienced a lot this year. I have lived a lot this year.

Even though we are still in the midst of a global pandemic, with cases now surging due to the Omicron variant, I am so hopeful for the future. Many of the measurable aspects of my life are in a state of growth and improvement. My business is thriving. My relationships are evolving in ways that feel beneficial. I have traveled to new places with the promise of more new experiences around the corner. I have very little to complain about.

As this year comes to a close, there is little I can reflect upon with disdain. Perhaps one is my experience with the political system. I have been involved in local politics for a number of years now, but this year was my first where I put myself out there and ran for office. I enjoyed so much of the experience, but there was much to be desired. When all was said and done, I left the process with a sense of emptiness. I see more clearly now than ever, the dispicable facets of the construct. There is an insidiousness that becomes hard to ignore. Even with the best of intentions, it is easy to get sucked into the polarizing blame game.

I don’t want to be that anymore.

So I am going to relax my grip on politics and its affect on today’s society. I want to let go of its obligation to erode relationships with people I care about. I want to stop allowing it to nurture relationships with people I should be avoiding (this may be the most important).

As this year comes to an end, I look forward to new year of opportunity. I find myself excited for a world of opportunity and growth in the coming months and years. My mind is awash with a desire to improve my existence, both existentially and spiritually.

The Fab Five will be on hand, as they always are, for The New Year’s Eve celebration

Tonight, following a full day’s work, I will sit with my wife to watch an online broadcast of the fireworks at Walt Disney World. In that moment, I will close the book on 2021 and reach for the next tome. I will begin writing that book tomorrow…starting with a longer Saturday morning post, where the distractions of the days preparation are not as demanding.

Enjoy whatever festivities you decide upon, be safe, and live your life the best way you can.

Weight: 223.4 (clearly I am not losing weight yet)
No workouts yesterday. I chose to use it as a rest day.

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First Diary Post

I have never successfully kept a diary. I have tried a couple of times to start one, but something has always derailed me.

Recently I have experienced an epiphone. It is time in my life for me to once again go through a transformation. I feel the calling of the Universe, if you will.

“Why?” you ask. It is because I am floundering. For the last couple of years, I have lived in the “Covid World.” The reality of that sent me spiralling down a rabbit hole of alcohol, food, pot, and less fitess. My weight has ballooned. My stress has increased. My life has gotten increasingly more complicated.

Professionally, I have been on a roller coaster. When Covid arrivd in March of 2020, my business was closed for three months due to the mandated closings by, then Governor, Cuomo. For those months, I was racked by stress. Stress of the unknown, money, my relationships, my staff, the future of my business.

When my business opened back up, everything was pretty good for a while. Yet I felt compelled to turn my life upside down again by running for local office in 2021. I also decided that a third marriage was a good idea. My oldest son tried his hardest in 2021 to fail at graduating high school. The culmination of these stressors was the news that the massage school in Syracuse was closing. Without a school, there is an uncertainty about future staffing.

The other thing that has been hard during these Covid years is all the death. Sadly, I am not talking about Covid death. My greater friend group has seen many losses to suicide, overdose, alcohol poisoning, etc. A few of these losses have been especially close ones. Two of them were former lovers.

So this brings me to the original point of today’s post. A new beginning. A Universal calling. An epiphone…

Here is what I have done so far:

I have begun my fitness recovery. For Christmas, I bought my wife (and me) an Ergatta rowing machine. I have used it a bunch since Christmas day, already logging over 17 kms of distance. I have also been utilizing my treadmill and Wahoo setup for my bike in Zwift. I recently became better familiarized with the workout options built into the software...and I like it.

I am starting Yoga Teacher Training in January. To begin this process, I have some required reading I have to accomplish before I begin. I will explain why I have chosen this new path.

I am signed up for the Berlin Marathon in September of 2022. I will find out on January 9th if I made it into the lottery. In preparation of the trip, I have begun learning German. I took several years of German in High School, but that was nearly 30 years ago, and I have forgotten a ton.

I have reengaged my meditative practice. It is a struggle each and every day to find the time, but I will get there one way or another.

I am reconnecting with business in new ways. I have a bunch of plans for the near and far future, and 2022 is the year I begin several of these. I will discuss this in a future post as well.

That is all for tonight. As I get more comfortable with this process (hopefully I stay on the wagon for a while), I will include photos, videos, and links.

Chris
ZeroOctane

P.S. I will be including some stats as a part of my daily posts. These will include my weight and a general list of my physical activity and food intake.

Weight: 222.1
Workout: Several activities on the rower. Approx 600 kcal
Food: TOO MUCH...two tacos, a burrito, a tossed salad and 3/4 of a bag of Sweettart Hearts (LOTS of calories)
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Our New Normal – life with social distancing

Our new normal

Mourning the life we had

When we feel grief, it doesn’t always manifest in sorrow. I read something profound this morning. It was a quote I saw on Facebook that a friend of mine had shared. I have already forgotten the author’s name and I am paraphrasing here:

We are all in mourning…we are mourning what life used to be like…

There is so much truth in that. I recall the early days of my divorce in 2018 when several people gave me valuable advice. Two things stand out. The first is very similar to the quote above: In divorce, you are not sad about the divorce, but rather you are mourning the loss of the life you had because your new life is not the same.

The second recurring thing I was told was that the hardest thing in divorce is getting used to your new normal. Both of these ideas are born from the same notion that everything is different now. The same can be said for social distancing and living in the current world that is under assault from Covid-19.

Social Distancing = our new normal

Social Media as the canary in the mine

In the early days of the pandemic, as things in the United States were just starting to shut down, most of what I saw on social media was humor. There were countless memes addressing everything from relationships to toilet paper. That changed after several days. I began to see more hostile posts. More and more people were complaining about the inconvience of their situations. Angrier posts blamed Chinese people or New Yorkers for making things worse. Today, I have begun to see a shift in the tone again. Several people have shown sadness. There are some people who seem forlorn and confused.

This certainly reminds me of The Kübler-Ross Grief Cycle:

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Depression
  4. Bargaining
  5. Acceptance

Kübler-Ross Grief Cycle

If the comical memes and people like the President saying it was a hoax is denial and the demand for New Yorkers to stay in New York was anger, then it would make sense for people today to be depressed. Honestly, I felt depressed yesterday too.

Kübler-Ross Grief Cycle
At the time of this post, I believe we are in the Depression stage.

Depression is not a normal state for me. I have made it part of existence to avoid the trappings of depression. By living an active lifestyle, I obtain the endorphines I need to maintain a positive mental state and I try to eat in a way that reduces inflammation and the associated trappings that leads to. I have read and studied some Buddhist teachings and I used to meditate often. I need to meditate more.

But what comes next? As society enters into the bargaining stage, what form does that take? Will people start making unsafe decisions? Are we going to see packed churches? Schools opening back up? I would make the argument that we are already seeing that. We need to keep our focus and treat this pandemic for what it is. We need strong leaders with an appropriate message.

Click here to read about why I think Trump is the problem

We need stronger leaders

We need President Trump to incrementally make this worse. Up until today, he was claiming we would open for business by Easter. Now he has adjusted the timeline to April 30th. At some point, an adult in the room needs to tell the truth to the American Public…this is going to go on until long into the summer…this is going to be our NEW NORMAL!

Check out my daily rant on YouTube. I have softened my tone a little bit as I am moving through the depression stage. I will not bargain with my health, though…

See you tomorrow,

Chris